[saidyene]

This has been allover the place but it seams some need to read it again.

Congratulations. You have invited an Enchanter to your group.

I'm not a bot, as evidenced by the fact that I left the safe confines of PoK. None of my hotkeys advertise the fact that my buffs are indeed extended. I didn't ask you to initiate a group invite via trade window.

Just because my class is superior to your own, doesn't mean that I'm unwilling to adapt to the classes, play-style or comfort level of your group. I'm really very adept at increasing the efficiency of your group in a multitude of ways.

Some of you will need to review some of the basics of group dynamics and tactics. I mastered most of these at Orc 1 in East Commonlands. Some took me awhile longer, but I got them down on Orc Highway in Oasis. I no longer have the patience or desire to reinforce these at go-time. The group is trying to kill stuff right now. And if I gently reminded you about these constants of life inside the game, you'd only exploded defensively--"Don't tell me how to play my class!"

Assist. GDI, Assist! It's not hard. Make a hotkey. Love it. Use it. That mob that is drooling on itself while you smash his buddy is standing there senseless for a reason. I put him in timeout. He's not tying his shoes. He'll still be there after the one that the MA is wailing on is dead. It is not a testament to how sneaky you are that you can get a free shot on him while he's not looking. In fact, he will run straight at me after you whack him, and I have more important things to do right now than stun him off and put him back into timeout.

Assist is not an optional rule. Yes, he's beating on the cleric. That's my job. The cleric will be ready to heal you in a few seconds. Just keep helping the MA.

MA? This refers to the Main Assist. This is the ONE PERSON with the authority to pick something to whack on. All other mobs in the world BELONG TO ME. I own them until the MA has bludgeoned his to death. This is imporatant: ALL JOO MOBS ARE BELONG TO ME!

That means that the mob hovering dangerously close to the group is MINE. That means the one beating on me is MINE. That means anything pulled into camp is MINE. As a group we have designated the one individual who can chose one of my many mobs to play with.

Let's talk about this MA again. He's special. Whatever he is hitting is the RIGHT MOB. Are you not sure which mob you should hit? It's the one that he is swinging at. Did I mez the mob he was hitting? Then I was wrong. I'll be retargeting and mezzing something else. It happens.

MA, yes you with the plate mail, don't switch targets. Once you've locked in on a victim, stick with it. I'll deal with whatever chaos ensues afterward.

Okay, I know it's against tank instincts to let the cleric take a beating. Okay, you trust me to deal with it myself. Let's cover another, even more likely scenario. I will get beaten on. Mobs don't like me. You may have seen the Wanted Poster we looted off the last mob. Yes, that was my picture. Mobs hate enchanters. When they beat on me, DON'T SAVE ME. I can take care of all of you, and I can take care of me. You will surely kill me if you try to hack up a mob I'm locking down. I don't want your help. I have a panic button that I'll hit if I really want your help. I think I've used it twice in the last couple of years.

Mr. Cleric. Guess what. I am going to need a heal. Don't sneer at me from behind that plate armor you're wearing and bitch about wasting mana on an enchanter. I do take into consideration your mana. My mana and your mana are group assets now. If I need a fast heal after locking down four or five mobs, so be it. Mana to throw me an occasional heal is far less than the mana you will expend healing our tanks with five unslowed mobs running rampant through the camp.

Hey all you dotting classes: Stop dotting the incoming pulls. The six-second mezzes don't make me happy. Especially if I've started debuffing. Find the one that belongs to the MA and dot to your hearts' content. Leave my mobs alone. Oh, but it's snared? Great, but I'm not a bard. I can't cast while running.

For you combat innate junkies...I only have eight slots for spells. That's about ten shy of what I need to do everything I'm expected to. I admit that I lack permanant illusion. So NDT / Boon is a dedicated slot. Unlike other casters, I don't have to select from 'little nuke', 'big nuke', 'ungodly nuke', 'malo' and 'snare' and scrounge the spell book for three more spells to make everything look nice in my UI. If others in your group (surely not you) are making my job difficult then I'm loading root instead of your werewolf form. Sorry for that. But suck it up.

No, you don't know which spells I should have loaded. Talk to the cleric who is chaining Celestial Heal on the tank and complains that he is OOM from CHealing.

When I miss a timer for a rebuff, wmp is not really neccessary. I do understand my role. Mana ALWAYS permits for haste. If I have to click off Rune and chew a mod rod to get it back up, there is always mana for haste. Even more so than mana regen in most cases. Don't be shy. "Haste, bitch!" works just as well.

Rangers and Necros - Aggro kiting, fear kiting, snare kiting, bow kiting...these are all excellent methods of crowd control. I am not arguing the utility of these techniques. I wish I had snare. But these are great ideas IF we have decided that this is how we're gonna operate BEFORE I have locked down, tashed and slowed mobs. Bad news for me. My aggro > Your aggro. If you insist on running dotted mobs all over the zone, please do solo. Don't let them run free in circles around camp, triggering my response of locking them down. Not nice to tease the chanter. Especially when I let you get eaten because I thought you were still just "bored" and "playing with the mob".

btw, Wake the Dead makes me smile.

IF you have explained to me that my job will be to just slow everything and nuke when I have mana, don't bitch when your technique of TRAIN-ROOT-KILL gets you killed. I said I could adapt. Yes, I'll be mezzing the rooted casters, but it's your ballgame and I'm gonna play by the rules. This method is kinda fun, but big boy rules, big boy hammer.

Lastly, I put away those "MEZZING %T." and "%T is MEZZED" hotkeys around level 45. I don't appreciate macro spam in group, so I try not to add to it. I don't care what nuke the wizard is using. I don't care what god the cleric invokes for healing.

If you see many mobs coming to camp, the MA will whack something and I'll take the rest. I don't feel the need to walk you through crowd control, mob by mob. Don't just whack whatever is closest to you. Don't whine that I didn't SAY I was mezzing it. How do you know I'm gonna mez something? Because it's running around in my camp. And it's not the designated target. (See MA above) I do have a set of macros saved to put these hotkeys back in for the benefit of the group. But c'mon. How different are the basics when pulling Orc 1 from Level 65 LDoN Hard? Just different models.

If you can't do the simple things, I going to let you die. None of that fancy, "You break it, you buy it~" nonsense. You will see your bind point if you can't play well with the chanter. Being relentlessly tell-spammed for C3 has made me a bitter, nasty toon to deal with.

Good Hunting

For those that this doesn't pertain to but read it anyway I hope you had a good laugh and thank you for taking the time to finish it.

[Imp]

10 points if you know who wrote that originally.

[saidyene]

Dont know who it was but first time I saw it was shortly after i joined on the Crimson Scourage forums.

[Pauleleia]

Trust me, we got it from some where else.

[Karrmma]

Its been a hell of a long time... and I am not 100% sure but I believe it was...ummmm garfield or garfile oh hell something like that but like I said its been a LONG time

[Purplesun]

Zbones is the one that posted it on CS forums. and I belive she posted it on here also. But it's still a good laugh!!